I've been engaged for almost 6 months. I don't have a wedding date.... I don't even have a year. I don't know where my wedding will be.... I don't even know what city. I'm starting to think the wedding will never happen....not really it will happen, but every time I try to decide something I get stressed out and change the subject.
I've never really known what kind of wedding I've wanted. Growing up my thoughts ran the spectrum from eloping in Vegas, to a destination wedding on a beach in Mexico, to a more traditional wedding in a big tent somewhere in Buffalo. Before Peter and I got engaged we pretty much had the same idea about a wedding. We wanted something small, and then a big party. I'd have the dress, photographer and a nice dinner for the wedding (with only parents & siblings) and then a big party catered by Dinosaur BBQ at a park for the "reception." Unfortunately, I've learned that it's way more complicated to plan a non-traditional wedding than what is the norm. It probably doesn't help that I'm neurotic about people drinking & driving, and am dead set on an outdoor venue. Basically, I have no clue what we're going to do.
We'll eventually get married. I'm sure of that much. I'm ready to be married; I'm just not ready to have a wedding. While my indecisiveness is undeniable when it comes to wedding planning, I've never for a second doubted that I want to get married to Peter. I think this is pretty big for me. I'm absolutely horrible at making decisions. I can hardly pick a restaurant for dinner, or outfit to wear out. Perfect example: I made Peter spend literally 45 minutes with me at Dicks deciding on snow pants. Once I picked the style I had to decide between black or white. You can ask Peter, but I'm pretty sure it was an excruciatingly painful experience for him. I'm the kind of person who thinks EVERY decision she makes must be 100% correct. I have to be 100% sure that I am not making a mistake, or (as I see it) I will be a failure. So, when I say that I've had zero doubts about the man I am planning to marry, that's pretty big. It also offers me comfort that some things aren't difficult, and that when it's right, you just know. Thus, I will just continue to pour over all my wedding magazines in hopes that the perfect wedding for me will appear before me one day. And if it doesn't, then oh well. A wedding last only a day, but a marriage will be forever!
