Between this & my renewed interest in yoga I think my husband thinks I'm getting a little crazy.
Case in point:
To Peter
pooja's "church" has an intro to meditation class this saturday morning that i think i'm gonna go to.
...if it works for me maybe i won't have to find a therapist!
To Peter
i'm no hippie!
...but if i was a hippie i'd probably save a lot of $$ on clothes, hair products & spa visits though!
The main problem with this meditation idea was that going into this I honestly had no idea what meditation REALLY was. I mean I know you are supposed to "quiet your mind" (actually, I thought you were supposed to, but I learned that's not entirely accurate), and kinda relax... right? I've been told meditation would be good for someone as high anxiety as I am, so I decided to just go for it.
First things first- this morning when I walked into the meditation temple I was immediately thrust into my own inner conflict. I know the Assisi Institute incorporates both Eastern & Western ideas into its practices. It's not a church, but a spiritual center. I knew I'd be presented with thoughts & ideas outside of my Roman Catholic background, but when I saw a picture of Jesus next to a picture of Paramhansa Yogananda (a guru & the author of Autobiography of a Yogi) on the alter I immediately began to wonder if I was a traitor to my religion/Roman Catholic beliefs. Not to say I'm the most religious person, but I do consider myself to be spiritual. Being raised Catholic my entire life & attending Catholic school from preschool through my senior year of college, I definitely learned a thing or two, and still retain many of those beliefs. However, I do not attend weekly mass. I MIGHT go to church once a year. ....Actually, the last two times I've been to church I'm pretty sure they were for funerals.... but I digress. The point of all of this is that I do still have inherent Catholic beliefs & do still consider myself to be a Catholic.
Anyway, most of the above quickly became irrelevant when we were greeted by our "teacher," Craig who introduced himself as a Roman Catholic Italian who studied theology. Well, that was a relief. At least lightning wouldn't strike me down for exploring meditation.
He discussed the difference between meditation and Meditation. He described meditation (with a lower case "m") to be what people would do to relax, lower blood pressure, and decrease anxiety. Meditation (with a capital "M") does include all of those things mentioned, but also includes building your union with God. Hmmmmm.....
I'm kind of embarassed to admit it, but I came to this class to find enlightenment in myself, not to know God better. I was looking to calm & focus myself. I wanted to decrease/eliminate my own anxiety with a meditation practice. I wasn't really looking to deepen my relationship with God, Jesus, Buddha, or anyone else.
I suppose I was naive (& selfish) to think that meditation was all about myself.
I started to question if I was really in the right place. It was too late to turn back though. I was already learning about meditation & was enjoying what I was being taught. We learned not only it's background, but how to breathe, posture, mantras, and a handful of different techniques.
By the end I was happy I had this experience. While I wasn't sure how I would continue my m(M)editation adventure I decided I would definitely continue to explore it.
The closing thoughts for us kinda hit home for me. Craig told us that if we had come to the class because we were interested & open to learning about Meditation then it must have been because God invited us here to learn & we had accepted his invitation. Whoa! Maybe I really do have a desire to know God more! ...or maybe that's just a bunch of crap that is said in closing because there are a lot more people out there who think like me than I realized.
Regardless, I've decided to attempt to develop a meditation practice.
I also became curious about Paramhansa Yogananda. When I looked up, Autobiography of a Yogi on Amazon I found that I could get it free on Kindle... so I did. Don't know how it will be to actually read, but I figured for free I could give it a shot!
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